


this drifting voyager at the end of a gray reality

by bubblyying



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Kang Taehyun-Centric, Soft Choi Beomgyu, Soft Choi Yeonjun, Taehyun Needs a Hug, beomgyu is a good hyung, i'm sorry i keep making my baby sad, please tell them i love them a lot, sookai stops by at the end, yeonjun is a good hyung
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-11
Updated: 2020-06-11
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:48:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24658618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bubblyying/pseuds/bubblyying
Summary: Taehyun is sad. Beomgyu and Yeonjun aren’t going to let that continue.Sort of a vent fic. Bear with me while I try my best to learn how to write about people's emotions better, heh.
Relationships: Choi Beomgyu & Kang Taehyun, Choi Yeonjun & Kang Taehyun, Kang Taehyun & Everyone
Comments: 3
Kudos: 112





	this drifting voyager at the end of a gray reality

Taehyun laid on his bed, looking up at the ceiling. 

On the outside, he looked fine, if it weren’t for the millions of thoughts invading his head. He tries his best, he attempts to fight the haze that clouds his mind and he strives to filter out the untruths, to block out the pain…… but sometimes his best is never enough.

Will it ever be enough? Will he ever be enough?

He spends hours in the practice studio, in the recording booth, working himself to the bone so as to distract himself from… everything. What started out as moments of searing pain in his heart dulled down to an insistent ache in his chest - mellow, but still present.

It was like he was slowly becoming numb.

The pain may have lessened, but the constancy was what hurt Taehyun the most.

His eyes blurred and his heart ached. It suddenly took a lot of effort to breathe as he tried his hardest to stifle the sobs building up at the back of his throat. He turned to his side and buried his head into the alpaca body pillow he had bought, muffling the whimpers that managed to escape him.

If any of the other members heard him crying, Taehyun knew with all his heart that they would come running to him, but he did not know if he was ready to worry anyone. They had enough things to be concerned about; it was close to comeback season after all, and everyone was being rushed from schedule to schedule. Thankfully, today was a rest day, and the members had decided to use the time to rest their aching muscles from all the late night practising they had done to prepare for the big day. Yeonjun and Soobin had to physically wrestle Taehyun back into the house to get him to rest as well when the younger wanted to sneak out to the practice studio again, and while they were only looking out for him, it only left room for Taehyun to continue overthinking.

His entire body shook as he curled up into a ball on his bed, gripping the pillow so tightly that his knuckles were turning white.

Pathetic. Why couldn’t he just pull it together? 

He usually had pretty good control of his emotions. He knew he was allowed to be sad, to cry, but the past few weeks felt different. Like he was no longer in control of his own body - just an emotionless mess who buried himself in schedules to stop thinking. But now that he had nothing to do but to think....

He inhaled a shaky breath, continuing to bury his head into the pillow.

Behind the closed door, a heated discussion was being whispered.

“Yeonjun hyung, are you sure we should bother him? He said he was going to sleep. We should let him rest.”

Yeonjun twisted his body around, where he was trying to peek through the bottom of the door, to narrow his eyes at Beomgyu. “The lights are still on. Do you really think he would’ve been able to sleep through all that?"

Beomgyu frowned. “I haven’t heard anything from that room in a while, though…”

Yeonjun just sighed, pulling himself to his feet and clearing his throat. His hand hovered over the doorknob to Taehyun’s room – unsure if Taehyun would even want him to be around. Beomgyu also joined in as the two of them stared silently at Yeonjun’s hand.

Taehyun had not acted like himself in weeks.

At first, they wondered whether it was just the stress approaching comeback day. Taehyun spent less time in the dorms resting and more time in the office building practising his vocals and choreography. Sometimes, the other members would wake up to Taehyun’s empty bed, and walk into the dance studio to find the boy sprawled out on a mat laid out on the floor, with only his jacket to cover him.

They would force Taehyun to sit down with them for meals, so that they could at least make sure he was resting properly, but he would always leave halfway with the excuse that he was full, even as his plate was half-finished. He lost the sparkle in his eyes and always looked as if he was caught in a daze, ready to collapse at any moment.

Today, Soobin and Hueningkai had gone out to get some groceries for the dorm, and also to pick up dinner on the way back. Yeonjun and Beomgyu were just lounging around in the living room, busy with their respective phones. Taehyun had joined them for a short while, but he suddenly excused himself to go back into his room. That was when Yeonjun could not resist it anymore, leaning in to whisper to Beomgyu, “Have you noticed that something’s up with Taehyunnie recently?”

Beomgyu whispered back, “I was about to ask you the same thing.” Which brought them to their current predicament. 

While both of them were still considering whether they should disturb Taehyun, they heard it.

A soft, desperate whimper, that Taehyun failed to muffle.

Beomgyu and Yeonjun froze, turning to look at each other, and then to the closed door. Yeonjun shot Beomgyu a pleading look.

“Gyu, c’mon. He needs us.”

This time Beomgyu could not bring himself to protest.

The door swung open with urgency, but Beomgyu and Yeonjun took quiet and careful steps into the room shared by Taehyun and Kai. 

Taehyun finally looked up at them and the sight that greeted Yeonjun and Beomgyu broke their hearts. Taehyun’s face was flushed an angry red, and there were dried tear tracks on his cheek, which were accompanied by even more fresh tears falling from his eyes. 

Taehyun seemed to register that Yeonjun and Beomgyu were in the room as well, because his eyes seemed to widen in realization and he choked out a sob, curling in on himself. Yeonjun sighed as he got on his knees to cup Taehyun’s cheek in his palm, his thumb gently wiping away the tears that continued to trail down his nose. Taehyun felt a squeak beside him as Beomgyu squeezed onto the bed into the space between him and the wall, rubbing soothing circles into his arm.

“H-hyungs?” Taehyun whimpered as he looked back up. He looked like a small child, his eyes big and wandering, but also watery with the continual stream of tears down his face. 

Yeonjun cooed, settling onto the floor before he leant over the bed, pulling Taehyun’s head into his chest and cradling it close. “Taehyun-ah…. Hyungs are here, don’t worry. We’ll be here, baby.” He soothed, a hand reaching out to pat Taehyun’s head, occasionally dropping kisses into Taehyun’s hair.

Beomgyu also followed suit, moving so he was lying down on the bed behind Taehyun. He wrapped his arms around Taehyun’s waist, gently moving him a little so Taehyun’s back was snug against his chest. He nuzzled his head into Taehyun’s neck, sighing a little.

It was a rather tight squeeze with the three of them, but Taehyun still felt a wave of security pass over him as he was held by his hyungs.

“We’re here.” Beomgyu repeated, planting a chaste kiss onto Taehyun’s cheek before hugging the younger boy closer. “Whatever you need to let out, just do it, Taehyunie. Alright?”

Taehyun’s hands shook as they gripped tightly onto the back of Yeonjun’s shirt, balling into little fists. At the same time, he relaxed into Beomgyu’s hold, shifting closer to his warmth. His entire body shook with sobs that he was too tired to try to muffle anymore, his tears soaking the front of Yeonjun’s shirt. But Yeonjun didn’t seem to mind, instead, he continued to try to soothe Taehyun, whispering comforting words into his ear. 

They laid there for a while as Taehyun struggled to collect himself and breathe properly again. Instinctively, Beomgyu began to hum a soft melody.

_ geoul apeseo nan tto gulbokhae _

_ yeogin neomu keomkeomhae _

_ yeorigiman han nae eokkaen _

_ sumjido pyeojido mothae _

Yeonjun joined in shortly afterwards, harmonising with Beomgyu. The soft melodies wrapped themselves like a blanket around Taehyun, and he was able to focus on that instead of his own rambling thoughts. He could feel the tightness in his chest easing in pressure, allowing him to breathe properly for the first time in what felt like weeks.

“Am I enough, Hyungs?” Taehyun finally broke his silence, his voice slightly breaking at the end.

Beomgyu and Yeonjun exchanged looks of sadness.

“You’re already doing more than enough, okay Hyunnie?” Yeonjun whispered softly, tilting Taehyun’s head to look him in the eyes. Taehyun’s wide but still shining eyes took in Yeonjun’s expression - his eyes full of worry and yet was laced with so,  _ so _ much love and affection for his younger brother. 

“Hell, even just being here, with us, you’re enough, Taehyun-ah,” Beomgyu said softly. “You don’t necessarily have to be more, or do more, you just have to be Kang Taehyun. That’s all we ask of you.”

Taehyun nodded, tears prickling at the corners of his eyes again, but this time it was due to sheer relief - a weight being lifted off his shoulders. He could also feel Beomgyu squeeze his waist more tightly and nuzzle his head into Taehyun’s neck. Taehyun’s right hand released its grip on Yeonjun’s shirt and moved to land softly on Beomgyu’s arms. He hummed, feeling himself relaxing. 

They couldn’t tell how much time had passed. The whirring of the construction site nearby, the occasional sounds of cars and buses passing by through the open window of the room, all those factors seemed to blur into the background as they continued to stay on the bed, relishing in each other’s hold.

Eventually, Taehyun dozed off, getting the rest that he sorely needed. And minutes after, Yeonjun and Beomgyu heard the click of the doorknob on their front door, but none of them got up. They could hear Soobin and Kai chatting in the kitchen, presumably putting away the groceries.

Soobin and Kai poked their heads in to call for dinner, Kai about to brandish the new plushie he had bought, before they frowned worriedly at the trio. As Yeonjun briefly explained the circumstances, they nodded softly in understanding and Kai pushed the door further to enter the room, Soobin following afterwards.

Taehyun was roused by Kai belly flopping on top of the two bodies in bed, drawing out groans and grumbles from Beomgyu, who tried to push Kai off but failed.

“K-Kai-” Taehyun looked up at his best friend.

“Shhh, Taehyunnie,” Kai smiled softly, lifting his new plushie to ‘kiss’ Taehyun on the cheek. “Hueningie is here to make you feel better. Oh, and also Soobin-hyung, I guess.”

Taehyun could hear Soobin’s huff as he lifted his head to find their leader sitting on the floor beside Yeonjun, his hand gently landing on Taehyun’s head.

“We love you, Taehyunnie.” was all Soobin said.

They stayed that way until Kai’s stomach grumbled loudly in the silent room. And then Yeonjun, Soobin and Beomgyu started giggling, the sounds piercing through the atmosphere.

“Dinner, Taehyunnie?” Soobin said after he calmed himself down, looking down at him as he carded his fingers through Taehyun’s hair again.

Taehyun looked up at him. And then he turned around to look at the other members. The amount of love and affection they held in their faces as they looked back at him was somewhat overwhelming, but not unwelcome.

He couldn’t help but feel his mouth curl up at the sides, his eyes sparkling with a hint of happiness.

It was the biggest that any of the members had seen him smile in weeks. It’s still not his brightest, but they’ll get there, they’re sure of it.

But for now, at least Taehyun knows that his members will always be there for him.

**Author's Note:**

> Do you tear up when you listen to Maze in the Mirror or are you normal…
> 
> While writing this fic, I came across this article. I hope it helps anyone who reads it. <3 https://melissacamarawilkins.com/what-it-means-to-be-enough/
> 
> twt: @/tataekvng


End file.
